Is this the real life?

to the tune of 'Bohemian Rhapsody'
part of a Harriers song competition, somewhere in the 90s...
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a full gybe, no escape from fatality.

The boom's in your eyes,
There's rips in your sides, but see
I'm just a bilge boy, I need more sympathy,
Because I have to quant, have to row,
Back the jib, here we go, anywhere the wind blows
Doesn't really matter to me, to me.

Skipper, just killed the mate,
Put the boom against his head,
Pulled the mainsheet, now he's dead.
Commy, the cruise has just begun,
But now we've gone and thrown the mate away.
Commy, ohh ohh ohhh
Didn't mean to make you cry,
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,
Motor on, motor on, 'cos nothing really matters.

Too late, the bridge has come,
The mast just won't come down,
Skipper's acting like a clown.
Alright everybody, the bridge has got to go,
Gonna get my gun and blow it all away.
Commy, ohh ohh ohhh
I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never set sail at all
Kettle on, kettle on, 'cos nothing really matters.

I hear the sound of the Commodore approaching,
Got a horn, got a horn.
I think he's going to blow it now,
Stamping and a honking, very very frightening me
You, scandalising, you, scandalising, you, scandalising
The Commodore has a honker to annoy us all, us all...

Nothing really matters, anyone can see
Nothing really matters, but tea
Any way the wind blows...