I'm only an innocent skipper

to the tune of 'My bonnie lies over the ocean'
written in a skippers meeting on Harriers in 1977
I'm only an innocent skipper,
So please don't put me on the helm.
I really don't know what I'm doing,
I haven't a clue how to sail.

Bilge boy, bilge boy,
Oh what shall I do with this sheet, this sheet?
Bilge boy, bilge boy,
My laces are caught in a cleat.

These technical terms are beyond me,
To my mind a sheet's on a bed.
A boom is a loud clap of thunder,
And port is a drink that is red.

I can't seem to walk with these crutches,
They're either too long or too short.
I'm not good at shooting at bridges,
The target is not where I thought.