Logs and Shanties

(Spoken) This is a tribute to the years we've been on Mallards and the fun we've had...

By The Way - The Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Standing around at bedtime
Chaz has farted, heavy blow.
It's really big this time and we're in trouble
Let us out!

Rachel the butch telling us to sleep
But we cannot, 'cos it smells.
It's really big this time and we're in trouble
Let us out!

Otherside - The Red Hot Chilli Peppers
How long, how long must we sail
Up and down the Thurne.
I don't, don't believe it's fair,
A whizz on the bank is all i ever...

Heard your voice trough the mainsail,
We pleaded for you to crash
So we could have a whizz
Over the side of the boat
Over the... side of the boat

Good Riddance - Green Day
Another turning point a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

Chorus

Bring back, bring back
Oh bring back the boxes the clean (to clean)
Bring back, bring back
Oh bring back the campers for tea (for tea)

The Tarn is a sailing at Hickling
The Commie is taking a rest
So who is it, wearing the trousers?
It's Sasha, who's doing her best.

Who is in charge on the water
Who is in charge on the shore?
It could be the Commie or Tristan
Nobody knows any more.

Iain's in charge of Bure Classic
Always alert and aware.
So why is the cook on the bank still?
Good job we've got a few spare.

Woodworm is low in the water
Why are they coming in last?
In spite of the first aid and bailing
All we can see is the mast.

Gerry is sailing in Chestnut
With Kirsten 'the doer' his mate.
She tried to sort out the electrics
And that's why the porridge was late.

Andy and Sarah have two crew
They'd rather be sailing with more.
Cooks to the rescue with Theo
But they're stuck on the mud by the shore.

Ali is stuck in the reedbank
His crew are all drenched by the rain.
But watch him pull into the mooring
The skipper is on top again.

Tore and Dan are on Hustlers
Ten men all in the crew.
But when from the rain they are sheltering
What are the skippers to do?

Helen is doing the cooking
Mary is making the lists.
Vicky is peeling potatoes
And Elsie is taking the _________ [oops! -Ed]

So here's to the crews of the Mallards
And here's to each skipper and mate.
We hope you will come back to Hickling
Remember and make it a date.

Have you ever wondered what the cooks get up to, well... we thought we would share a typical day!

Hour 1: Mary departs for Potter Heigham with the minibuses in hot pursuit. At arranged meeting point - 4 minibuses, 1 red car and Mary converge at Lathams, they give a thumbs up - obviously they have a plan! - with that they all head to Thurne Mill. Meanwhile, back at base Janice and Helen begin to peel potatoes.

Hour 2: Mary is still driving around the Norfolk countryside in convoy with the minibuses. Arrived at Thurne Mill - but wrong meeting point! Mill is not a dyke - you can tell - it has sails. Well there goes plan A! Meanwhile, back at base Janice and Helen are continuing to peel potatoes.

Hour 3: Oh no! A cornfield! Mary is really driving around the Norfolk countryside with the minibuses still in hot pursuit - but now they have a dustcart on their tail. Right place this time, but no access! Plan C - reverse out of cornfield, meanwhile tractor and trailer approach on the right flank and dustcart on the left flank. Eventually minibuses park on a bank outside a church. Whereupon, Mary and the minibus drivers hair back to St. Benet's through two farmyards where chickens and ducks are sent flying. The leaders swan off for a nice relaxing sail, leaving Mary to return to Hickling. Meanwhile, back at base Janice is still peeling potatoes, and Helen is cooking 100 sausage rolls.

Hour 4: Janice has finished her 200th potato. "Hooray!" she shouts, "time for a cup of tea!" In comes Fi - "Can I help?" Mary arrives back in Hickling, expecting her morning coffee, to be told "Fi needs to go to Cromer hospital" whereupon she departs once again, accompanied by Janice, Helen and Fi.

Hour 5: Janice and Fi are deposited at the hospital; Helen and Mary continue to the supermarket to buy tonight's tea. On leaving, Mary's phone rings. Iain - "Mary, sorry about this, change of plan - can you pick us up from Hunters Yard now!" Mary replies, "Yes but I'm in Cromer." Iain - "That's alright, there are others." Helen and Mary return to the car. Helen's phone rings. Iain - "Helen, sorry about this, change of plan - can you pick us up from Hunters Yard now!" Helen replies, "Yes, but I'm in Cromer too!"

Hour 6: On returning to Hickling, approaching Stalham, Mary suggests ringing Iain to see if they are still waiting. Helen tries Iain - no reply; then Tristan, no reply; then Andy - phone switched off; then Graham, no reply; then Alan - but he's responding, "Yes, we're still here, we'd love a lift!" So Mary, Helen, Janice and Fi - having had no lunch, head towards Hunters.

Hour 7: Arrive at Hunters. "Hooray!" shout the minibus drivers. "Oh no!" says Mary - but to the church to collect the minibuses, I hope we can find them.

Hour 8: All return to Hickling - just in time to put on the potatoes. So there we are, a day in the life of a cook. "Come on girls, time to start work!!" says Janice...

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Injuries like sore fingers heads or feet
When the cruise has all gone sailing
Be cheerful, don't be complaining
Stuck at Hickling I can always sing...

Oh - Always look on the bright side of life (do doo do do do doo do doooo)
Going to Cromer and talking to Gerry's wife (do doo do do do do do doooo)
Mallards is really rotten
When sailing's not an option
Sitting in the chill zone on my own
But I can always pray
And write songs all day
While the rest of you are having fun...

So - Always look on the bright side of pain (do doo do do do do do doooo)
While I can limp and laugh at being lame (do doo do do do do do doooo)
Feeling sad and grim
Is definitely a sin
I'll just look at photos of my crew
Laughing at myself
Is sadness in itself
But at least it's me not one of you...

So - Always look on the bright side of sprained ankles
One less day of having to be deck tinsel
I caught up on sleep
While you sailed with the elite
Tomorrow I'll rejoin you if permitted
And if I'm not allowed
At Alan and co I'll frown
And I guess I'll write a few more songs...

The night has come and past,
Shame that it could never last,
Wake me up when it's breakfast time.
Now the night has come and past,
9 hours sleep has gone so fast,
Wake me up when it's breakfast time.
Here comes the team again,
Ready to wake us up,
Drenched in our sweat again,
Not ready for the day.
As my eyes open,
I've forgotten all my knots,
Wake me up when it's breakfast time.

(Instrumental)

Now my dream has come and past,
It's time to get dressed and I'm not fast.
Wake me up when it's breakfast time.
De-flat my bed again,
Just to blow it up again,
Wake me up when it's breakfast time.
Here comes the team again,
Coming to hurry us up.
Drenched in the blame again,
What am I to do?
As I get out of my tent,
I have to put on a waterproof,
Wake me up when it's breakfast time.

(Instrumental)

8 o'clock has come and past,
Why am I always the last?,
Wake me up when it's breakfast time.
Like my skipper's come to past,
Why do they wake us up fast?,
Wake me up when it's breakfast time.
Wake me up when it's breakfast time.
Wake me up when it's breakfast time.