Logs and Shanties

Mallards is alive
With the smell of cooking
Recipes being prepared
For a number of years

We leap from our tents
In the early morning
Porridge must be made
For you... to eat

We have to wash our hands
Twenty times a day
So bacteria is kept at bay
Buttering rolls and grating lumps of cheese
Your wishes we aim to please

Filling bottles of juice
For you to drink
Peeing over the side so you don't sink
Sailing seems to be such tiring fun
Spending all day in the sun

So come have a meal
At the times intended
Forgetting we've never
Cooked before

Don't acknowledge the lumps
In most of what you eat
Just smile and enjoy
It's all nutrients

Now we can't continue
With this song
We've left the kitchen for far too long
And this is something we haven't learnt
For something is bound to be burnt

So...

Goodnight, farewell, auf weidersehn, goodbye
We'd like to stay
But we have to scrub a pan

1, 2, 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock fart
5, 6, 7 o'clock, 8 o'clock fart
9, 10, 11 o'clock, 12 o'clock fart
He's going to fart, around the clock tonight

Alistair's farting
Alistair's farting
Gust of wind, gust of wind
Now he's hit the mud bank
Now he's hit the mud bank
Crash bang fart! Crash bang fart!

Alistair's sailing
Alistair's sailing
Abandon ship, abandon ship!
Everyone needs gas masks
Everyone needs gas masks
Because he stinks

He says safety
He says safety
We don't care, we don't care
Lock him in the cabin
Lock him in the cabin
Crash bang fart! Crash bang fart!

Andy is the skipper
On the boat named 'Walnut' fair
He sails her on the Norfolk Broads
With great finesse and care.

One day he let me sail on her
Some chaos I caused on the way
But his cheerfulness and friendly smile
Was the highlight of the day!

We sailed towards some floating reeds
And Andy did so howl
"Tack" was what he tried to say
But instead it was now, NOW, NOW!

Now one fine, sunny, windy day
We sailed on Horsey Mere
Man overboard drill he did try
Now that's a thing to fear.

When Andy's sailing, falling over board
Is something you should never do
One, two, three attempts!
I'll stick to the boat like glue.

Now my hat in the water did go
It blew away so far
But Andy went to rescue it
And he's my shining star.

He tried to sail on Barton Broad
With his jib that's upside down
"That's not right", came the muffled cry
With one almighty frown.

The other day for breakfast
Eggs and bacon he did politely ask
And what he got this very morning
His very wish at last. (and very nice it was, too!)

Today we sailed on the River Bure
And what a way to go
But with Andy in complete control
We did not need to row.

I love to sail with Andy
He's so patient and so calm
It's so great for me to know
I won't come to any harm.

Now Andy is a skipper
Of the greatest quality
He knows his way around a boat
And that's alright for me.

Or...

Now Andy is a skipper
Of the greatest quality
So why, oh why, oh why
Are we always so at sea?!

So so so scandalise

You know you wanna sail with us

Thats why you know you should be scared of us

Mallards back in town
Sailing all around
Cruisers run aground
and we aint even close yet

Commy won't back down
he's spent every pound
We're gonna have to scrounge
and we aint even fed yet

You got me Reeling and my knees are feeling weak
I haven't had me dinner since before last tuesday week
You got me going crazy and u know i cant sleep
I'm watching the pot and shuffling my feet
You got me trembling like a little baby girl
I'm so hungry I think I am gonna hurl
You got me spinning and you got me in a twirl
Your my number one cooky but you look just like a girl ?!

Chorus
Your Dangerous so get it wise, the way you sail, so scandalise
Its all about the 3 of us, a rowing boat just aint enough.
I need some stimulation Skipper a little motivation yes sir!
You got me sailing round like crazy
Do we have a mud weight ?
Scandalise

So Scandalise

Scandalise

So Scandalise

Skipper on the bows
where we go noone knows
you sail, bilges don't
and they aint even close yet

Potter bridge made of rock
How many times can we make the shot
Mast down sails around
and we aint even close yet

You got me Reeling and my knees are feeling weak
I haven't had me dinner since before last tuesday week
You got me going crazy and u know i cant sleep
I'm watching the pot and shuffling my feet
You got me trembling like a little baby girl
I'm so hungry I think I am gonna hurl
You got me spinning and you got me in a twirl
Your my number one cooky cause your making angel whirl!

Your Dangerous Just get it wise, the way you sail so scandalise
its all about the 3 of us a bouyancy aid just ain't enough,
I need some preservation maybe a little flotation, SAVE ME!
you've got me sailing round like crazy
Now Where's the forestay ?

You know you wanna sail with us

Thats why you know you should be scared of us

You know you wanna sail with us

Thats why you know you should be scared of us maybe....