Logs and Shanties

We've run aground!
Time after time!
We've been offered help!
But we've had to decline!
And bad mistakes
We've made a few
We've had our share of horrific crashes
But we've come through
And we will drift on and on

We are the Mallards my friend
We'll keep on quanting till the end
We are the Mallards
We are the Mallards
No time for Harriers
'Cos we are the Mallards
Of the Broads

We've bashed through reeds!
Again and again!
Sailing through bogs
And across the marshy fens
Nice toasty meals
We've had a lot
With heaps of runny porridge
And dinner from the pot
And we will drift on and and and on

I'm gonna sail 'em all
A seven Mallard army couldn't hold me back
I'm gonna sail away
Sail away right behind the Commie's back

And I'm mutterin' to myself at night
Because I always agree
Back and forth through my mind
We got mincie for tea
And the message coming from my mate
Says leave it alone

They don't want to hear about it
Every single skipper's got a story to tell
Everyone knows about it
From our own Commie to Ranworth church bell

And if I hear Sam mentioned just once more
I'm gonna tell it to you
And that ain't what you want to hear
But that's what I'll do
And the feeling coming from my bones
Says he's still retired

I'm not a Wherryman
My name's not Sam, for evermore
I'm gonna work this song
Work the lyrics - drip out of every pore
And I'm singing, and I'm singing, and I'm singing
Right out to you
All the words are gonna bleed from me
Until I will sing no more
And the voices in the back of my head
Say Sam is no more

We're the Mallards, we're so great
We're fantastic, we don't need a mate
We go sailing, on the Broads
And we never, we never, ever fall-over-board.

In the morning, we get woken up
We have food, and we break a cup
Bure Classic, they commit a crime
For they use their outboard (use their outboard) every time

(repeat chorus)

Chorus:
Commie's boat
Commie's boat
Commie's boat and its crew afloat
Later in the morning
All the crew are yawning
Commie's boat is last to leave the yard

Everybody knows the Commie's boat
Has to be the one to be in charge
Maybe, you can never be sure
He'll be there... to... get you off the shore

Everybody knows who's helming Tarn
All the shipmates smile as he waves to greet them
Maybe, this will be the day
That the good... ship... Tarn is first away
- NO!

Everybody knows who's the leader
Sailing round following Tarn on Hickling Broad
Maybe, Commie can grab the reeds
But then we... get... stuck on all the reeds

Everybody knows what Commie did then
Pushed us off the reeds with the quantpole heaving
Maybe, the motor helped a bit
But he does... not... like to admit it

Chorus:
So who do you think you are kidding Mr Commie
If you think Mallards can sail?
We are the boys who will run your boat aground
We are the boys who will make a crunching sound
So who do you think you are kidding Mr Commie
If you think Mallards can sail?

When you put us on the helm we always mess things up
But within an hour of getting it we've eaten all our tuck
So who do you think you are kidding Mr Commie
If you think Mallards can sail?

When we steer into the reeds on one of the soft banks
We sometimes hear some bad words and do not get any thanks
So who do you think you are kidding Mr Commie
If you think Mallards can sail?

If you ask us to put up the sails in a trice
You may have to pay us but it's not that high a price
So who do you think you are kidding Mr Commie
If you think Mallards can sail?

My boat is brilliant
My boat is wood
I saw an duck
Of that I'm sure
It swam to me on the broads
I tacked left into the lees
But I will lose sleep on that
'Cause I've got a pain in my head

It's beautiful, it's beautiful, it's beautiful, it's true
I saw it on a crowded boat
And I don't know what to do
'Cause I can't tack in it

Yeah, it caught my eye
As I sailed on by
I could see from it's face it was scared
And I don't think that I'll see dat duck again
But we shared a moment that will last till the end

It's beautiful, it's beautiful, it's beautiful, it's true
I saw it on a crowded boat
And I don't know what to do
'Cause I can't tack in it

It's beautiful, it's beautiful, it's beautiful, it's true
There must be a duck with a smile on its face
When it thought up that I nearly sailed it over
But it's time to face the truth
That I will never meet that duck again

We're leaving together
But still it's farewell
And maybe I'll come back
To Mallards, who can tell
I guess there is no one to blame
We're leaving now (leaving now)
Will things ever be the same again?

CHORUS:
It's the final countdown
The final countdown

We're headin' for Harriers (Harriers)
And still we stand tall
Cause maybe they've seen us
And welcome us all, yeah,
With so many light years to go
All things to be found (to be found)
I'm sure that we'll
All miss it so

CHORUS

Final countdown

Oh, oh, oh oh ooohhhh!

(guitar solo)

The final countdown!

Oh, oh!!!

CHORUS

The final countdown (final countdown)

Ooohhhhh!

It's the final countdown
We're leaving together,

The final countdown
We'll all miss this so!

It's the final countdown! (final countdown)

Ooohhhh!

It's the final countdown!
Yeah!